Personality Shifts

Last updated on Jun 24, 2024

Everyone changes over time. I write this post to track my own (self-perceived) personality shifts. I also include my interests and values at each stage in life.

Age 0-6

According to my mom, I was a stubborn kid. I held my toys in my hands at all times, refusing to let my parents hold them even temporarily. It didn't matter how many times I fell down and hurt myself. But I was good-natured—or at least prone to feeling guilty. I gave myself time-outs when I did something bad, without my parents telling me to do so.

Age 6-9

I was a small, unimpressive kid. I was bullied in NYC public schools. My mom took me to Taekwondo and I soon went from victim to bully—although in my defense, I mostly fought with my former bullies. I was not verbally smart. My reading was poor enough that my 2nd grade teacher told my mom, who quickly signed me up for Score tutoring and hired a private tutor for reading comprehension.

My cousins Farah and Shaz introduced me to video games and anime. I quickly became obsessed with Dragon Ball Z, Pokémon, and Yu-Gi-Oh.

Age 9-13

I moved to Olean, NY. I got glasses and braces over the summer before 4th grade, and was surrounded by big farm boys who were stronger and faster than me. I accepted my new role as a nerd and obsessed over grades. But I also maintained some of my bullying nature with Pakistani friends who were weaker than me.

Adults mistook my attentiveness for maturity. I did not correct them. I finally stopped fighting with my sister Alina at 12, and we became close friends. (I never fought with my little brother Adam because of the eight-year age gap.)

Age 13-18

I moved to Buffalo, NY. I removed my braces and began wearing contacts over the summer before 7th grade. I grew confident in myself. Regular soccer practice, lifting at the gym, and attention from girls helped. I became more witty. I was mean to my mom in my mid-teenage years (Mom says 16 in particular), but slowly grew out of it. I can blame hormones but I regret how I acted, and am amazed and grateful for my mom's patience.

I accepted my Muslim identity but didn't actually know much about the religion. I had little Sunday School experience, and had bounced around between a few private Qur'an teachers. I began praying regularly at 15 but made up rules for myself, like praying Fajr late and on the school bus. My identity was based more on countering "Islamophobia" than on actual devotion to God. Existential dread probably played a contributing role.

Age 18-22

I left home to attend Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts. I tended to be quiet with strangers, but loud with friends. I continued to mistake aggressiveness as an attractive quality and failed to recognize how I hurt people's feelings by not thinking enough about my actions or speech. I ended a few friendships this way. I slowly moved away from this mentality over my junior and senior years.

My argumentative nature had raised my interest in law school, but an internship at the Pentagon pushed me into security studies. I frequently struggled to reconcile this interest in defense and intelligence with my Muslim identity.

My friend Obaid recruited me to the Muslim Students Association (MSA). I attended Jummah (Friday prayer) regularly for the first time, and became more outwardly religious, although internally, it took time for Islamic principles to sink in. I fell into a common revert trap in thinking that I needed to give da'wah ("invitation to Islam") to family and friends before I myself was a mature, knowledgeable Muslim. My friend Umar drove me to ISBCC for classes in his beat-up car that needed five minutes to warm up. My most precious memory was at lunch after an ISBCC class with Umar and others, with good food, fun conversation, and one of the older students paying for our meal.

Age 22-26

I left college to work on foreign policy in Washington, DC. I interned and later worked at CSIS. My colleagues were brilliant, which forced me to become a bit more humble. I lived in Arlington and then Alexandria, Virginia with roommates. Kasim, Rami, and I had years of conversations on life, religion, video games, and everything else. I matured. My career objectives became more humble. I still wanted to do good, but cared less about job titles and status.

Age 26-29

I married Nadia and moved to DC proper. Living with a truly kind, empathetic person made me [a bit] more thoughtful [hopefully]. I prioritized spending time with Nadia, family, and friends, and exploring DC and doing fun things. I attended Johns Hopkins SAIS for my MA degree, and a few professors affected my thinking. Professor Adam Szubin, for example, changed the way I approached leadership opportunities and emotionally-charged situations.

Age 29-?

TBD